I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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