i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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