i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
