After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
