Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
