i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
