literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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