dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
