i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The air taste purple.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
