He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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