I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
