I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The maid of honor just puked.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
