Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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