Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
