This girl is more easily done than said...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
