so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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