Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
