normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
