Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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