My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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