If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
