What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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