somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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