Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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