Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
