I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
