yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
