I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
