Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
