Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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