your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
