why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
