I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
