Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
