I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
