I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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