Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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