oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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