guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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