I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
