he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
