he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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