Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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