At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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