My liver just broke up with me...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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