I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
