she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
