yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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