I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
