He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
