It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
