You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
